IMDb: Night Train to Terror
Review:
Like I said when I announced this review earlier, I've seen this movie prior to this review. I also mentioned I love this movie and I wasn't lying. This movie is the epitome of 80's Horror Cheese. This movie is a compilation of 3 shortened films. Shortening these films cuts out major plot points, making the films confusing. However, the special effects and hammy acting make up for it. The over-arching point of the movie is God and Satan arguing, on a train, over the fate of the 3 film's characters. And also the sweet band playing on board the train.
The 80's are totally bitchin' man!
I kid you not, the credits list the actors as
Lu Cifer as Satan
God as Himself
Stories:
Movie One: A man is a car accident where his wife dies. After waking up in a sanitarium, the doctors use him to bring back beautiful women to the sanitarium. The doctors are killing the women and selling their body parts to medical schools. Or something similar, the plot in this movie is hard to follow, due to the obvious film cuts.
Movie Two: A man falls in love with a woman he sees in a porno. After tracking her down, they fall in love. Her rich lover doesn't like that though, so he forces the two of them to join his death club. Basically it's a club that meets to play various variations of Russian Roulette. He fails at killing them in the three games he drags them to. Then apparently he gives up, because the movie ends there.
Movie Three: [Note: I skipped this movie, it's rather boring. I'll try to recall what it's about. All I remember is almost falling asleep through the whole thing.] A Nazi general lives forever and a Jewish man from Nazi Germany recognizes him in the modern day. He tries to convince people that, the similar looking man is him. This one makes extensive use of claymation. Which is EPIC!
So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so epic.
Pros:
Special Effects: This is the 80s. Special effects weren't the best. Which is obvious from the pictures you can find a little below and above this. The first movie has very little in the way of special effects. However, the second one makes extensive use of them. Like in these next two images:
This bug will kill you with one sting. You'll get Clay Poisoning.
Homestyle, Grilled, or Crispy?
I already featured one image from the third film. However, I have one more really good one:
Why don't you tell me I'm beautiful anymore?
Low-Budget: Ok, so, this company owns these three movies. So the only thing they would need to spend money on for this movie would be: The Train Shots, The Awesome Band, God, Satan, Extras, Train Sets. And that's it. So the question is how much would all that cost. My guess, approximately 5 to 10k. Now to add the cocaine and speed into the budget, Probably total 15 to 20k. So after all the money had been spent on hookers and blow, they had to borrow poor Timmy's train set.
Timmy, can daddy borrow your train for his movie?
Cons:
None: This movie is so bad it's good. The acting is so cheesy it's hilarious. The special effects are horrible, but it's horrible in a good way, if that makes sense.
Final Score:
10/10
Like I said, I love cheese. The cheesier the better. This movie is the cheesiest of the cheesiest movies ever. I absolutely adore this movie. I kind of wish they had cut the third story. For now though, I'm content to skip it. I have actually seen this movie 4 times now and I WILL watch it again. Oh and as a quick side note: The song the sweet eighties band sings throughout the movie, is my new ringtone.
My face throughout this whole movie
Purchase "Night Train to Terror":
Now the Sad Part:
I can't find a full movie version of this movie they have it split in parts, just Google it. Instead, I'll post a trailer here so you can see if it looks interesting to you. Which it will. Oh, and you can hear the awesome song.
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