The House By The Cemetery

Well this, right off the bat, seems to be a great welcome back movie. Directed by the great Lucio Fulci. This film is on the Pure Terror 50 Movie Pack, From what I read, this film is about a family who moves into a house that has a psycho in the basement. At least that's what I gathered so far. Pretty excited, I love Fulci and I love Italian Horror films. In general Italy has some of the best horror movies I've ever seen. Anywho, review should be up in a couple hours after I finish the movie.

IMDb: The House by the Cemetery 

Review:

This is my second time writing this review, the first time Firefox went tits up. For some reason it wouldn't let me revert to that draft I had prior, but whatever. I liked this movie it had a lot of good in it, coupled with some bad (mostly nit-picks).However, the biggest mistake was quite possibly the biggest Film faux pas ever. So let's hop to it!

PROS:

Oh So Much Gore!: I don't even know what to say here, the gore is fantastic. Throat Ripping, Knife through Head, Throat Slicing, Be-Heading Bleeding Mannequins (?). It's absolutely beautiful, in a gruesome terrible kind of way.

 

Throat Slicing

 Knife Through Head

 Throat Ripping

 I know, this just looks like bad special effects, but I assure you, that was a mannequin.

Dr. Freudstein's A BOSS: I mean, not only does he have like the coolest costume ever (come on he looks like a member of Slipknot) but he rips peoples throats out. On a scale of 1 to Badass, I would say Throat Ripping would come in at Badass on the scale. Let's get the obvious out of the way, a mash between Sigmund Freud and Frankenstein, at least name-wise. All I can say is that he looks like a massive badass.

 I take my prior comment back, he looks cooler than the members of Slipknot.

CONS:

Dub: The first time I did this I wrote a really long thing here, this time I will give the abridged version. Kids shouldn't be called Bob, at least not constantly. Don't run around your house yelling Bob when looking for your son, all I can think of is some sweaty fat guy jumping out. Bob just isn't a fitting name to call your kid here's some better names: Kid, Bobby, Son, Robbie, Robby, Dobby, Shithead, Shitspawn, Devilchild. It's just seems so impersonal, like her son was a passing acquaintance, not a blood relative, let alone her son.

 Nice bowl cut Bob!

Deus Ex Machina: God from the Machine. Spoiler Alert (kinda). So the kid is trapped in a basement with Dr. Freudstein. He is absolutely screwed, his mother was trying to open a crack in a tomb door thing for them to get through. However, she was to weak. She is killed by Freudstein. So young Bob is still trying to get out through there when Freudstein grabs his leg and begins pulling him away. Are you ready for this... A litte girl, the ghost of Freudstein's Daughter, pulls the tomb open far enough and pulls Bob out, rescuing him. Deus Ex Machina, while used in several films and plays is still seen as a serious faux pas.

FINAL SCORE:

8/10

This movie was well done, however, it did have some slight issues. I really wish I could give this movie a 10. I just can't it has some flaws that just kind of detract from it's beauty. I would recommend this movie to everyone though whole-heartedly. Especially if you like gore.

Purchase "The House By The Cemetery":

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P.S. I just want to say that I really enjoyed watching this movie and writing this review, I'm happy to be back and hopefully I can stick it out for quite a while longer this time. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.

-Dylan   

Free Day: Silent Hill

Sigh, it seems like recently I've been rolling a lot of movies I've seen before. Today is far from an exception. I've seen Silent Hill at least 10 times, I even saw it in theatres. However, it does star Sean Bean (a.k.a. Boromir) and that's always a good thing. He's by far the best actor in the movie. So I'll probably watch it a little later on tonight so I can enjoy it in the dark. Hooray!

IMDb: Silent Hill

Review:

Hmm, this is a strange one. I quite like this film, however I hear most people bash it. It's not the best horror movie ever and it's not the best video game movie ever (Super Mario Bros. FTW!) It does occupy an interesting niche though, as far as I know, it's the only psychological horror game to be made into a movie. Though the movie goes for jump scares more than psychological horror, it definitely makes you wonder what you would do in a situation like that.

Pros:

The Stars: By "The Stars", I mean the family the movie focuses on. All the actors playing them do a fantastic job, Radha Mitchell, who plays Rose, gives a great performance. My main problem with her role, however, is that she becomes a superwoman, seemingly invincible. Sean Bean, probably the biggest name in the film, does good in the small role he is given. We don't see much of him which kind of blows, but I'm sure they had their reasons. Jodelle Ferland, who plays Sharon and Alessa, does a terrific job on both sides, as innocent and evil.

Special Effects: Some of the effects in this film seem a bit dated, however, some of them still seem pretty good. Nothing completely noteworthy, but all in all not half bad. The costume and makeup departments deserves a small round of applause for making the nurses pretty badass and also for doing Pyramid Head some justice. It seems more and more that he should just be abandoned. He's pretty much been washed up since the first game. Nonetheless his appearance in this film is kept brief and violent. How it should be.

Cons:

Plot: The first time watching this movie, the plot was a little difficult to follow. It seems a little bipolar. Daughter goes crazy, end up in evil town, go into alternate universe, meet the wacky cult, and then last but not least have a confusing ending. You MUST see this film again. The second time it will make much much more sense.

Fuck That Bitch: Ok, I'm a reasonable guy. If I adopted a daughter and took her home, loved her, and cared for her. Then she started sleep-walking and talking about some creepy Silent Hill shit. I'd take right back to the fucking orphanage and I would literally say, "This one's defective, can I have another." No matter how much I loved her, that shit's crazy. Sean Bean is the one I side with in this film, it's against all logic to take the daughter to Silent Hill. It's extremely dangerous and you know it's a fucking ghost town. This shit's bananas.

FINAL SCORE:

8/10

I like this film, I like the subject matter, I like the direction, I like the acting, I like the story, and I love Sean Bean. That's how I feel, if you feel differently feel free to argue your point. I'd like to hear it. 

Purchase "Silent Hill":

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Invisible Ghost

Starring Bela Lugosi! Hooray, our first Bela movie. This movie is on the Horror Classics 50 Movie Pack. It's about Bela being crazy or something, idk. Pretty excited, will post the review sometime tonight. Bye bye =).

IMDb: Invisible Ghost

Review:

That was interesting, and quite good as well. The movie isn't really horror at all. However, I would say it's still a fitting movie for a Horror set. A guy keeps seeing his "dead" wife, every time he does he goes into a fit of rage and kills someone. Bela Lugosi, of course, steals the screen, however, this film is far from Bela at his best.

Pros:

Bela Lugosi: Bela is one of my favorite actors from the Golden Age of Horror. He played in some of the high points of the genre, Dracula, White Zombie, and the classic Bride of the Monster. Bela is welcome on my review any time. Even if he doesn't want to be in a movie, he still gives an earth-shattering performance.

The Horror Icon, Bela Lugosi.

Story: Like I said earlier, this film is far from a Horror flick. However, it has some horror elements, like a "ghost" and some murders. Let's be completely honest, this film is obviously in this set due to the star. If Lugosi wasn't in the film, I doubt it would be in the Horror Classics 50 Movie Pack. The story is really interesting. Since Lugosi's wife left him for his best friend, every time he sees her, he kills the first person he can. However, the twist is that the gardener is holding her in his shed. She went a little crazy after a car accident. Though you pretty much know it's Lugosi murdering people from the beginning, the movie keeps you guessing who will be next.

Mrs. Kessler and the Gardener.

Cons:

Bugs: This movie was filmed in Summer. Somewhere in the Mid-West or South-Eastern United States. How can I tell? There are CONSTANTLY bugs landing on the camera lens. Usually this wouldn't bother me, however, in one scene there is at least 7 bugs on the lens at the SAME TIME. They really needed to think this through. The insects are distracting and, in my humble opinion, detract from the beauty that is Invisible Ghost.

  Those are bugs, they get shooed away in the next frame.

FINAL SCORE:

7/10

This film was really clever and intriguing. Bela just put the cherry on top of it. However, the movie seems a little short at only 64 mins. It also has a bug problem through a good portion of the film. Overall, not a bad film, however, I probably won't watch it again. 

Purchase "Invisible Ghost":

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Horror Classics 50 Movie Pack

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Night Train to Terror

Oh. My. God. I am so excited right now. This is like my favorite movie all time. It's featured on the Drive In Classics 50 Movie Pack. It features the most 80s band of all time. I don't even have words for how excited I am right now. It's basically 3 movies that were chopped into short segments. It's similar to the Tales from the Crypt movie, or the Tales from the Darkside movie.

IMDb: Night Train to Terror

Review:

Like I said when I announced this review earlier, I've seen this movie prior to this review. I also mentioned I love this movie and I wasn't lying. This movie is the epitome of 80's Horror Cheese. This movie is a compilation of 3 shortened films. Shortening these films cuts out major plot points, making the films confusing. However, the special effects and hammy acting make up for it. The over-arching point of the movie is God and Satan arguing, on a train, over the fate of the 3 film's characters. And also the sweet band playing on board the train.

 

The 80's are totally bitchin' man!

I kid you not, the credits list the actors as

Lu Cifer as Satan

God as Himself

 

Stories: 

  Movie One: A man is a car accident where his wife dies. After waking up in a sanitarium, the doctors use him to bring back beautiful women to the sanitarium. The doctors are killing the women and selling their body parts to medical schools. Or something similar, the plot in this movie is hard to follow, due to the obvious film cuts.

  

  Movie Two: A man falls in love with a woman he sees in a porno. After tracking her down, they fall in love. Her rich lover doesn't like that though, so he forces the two of them to join his death club. Basically it's a club that meets to play various variations of Russian Roulette. He fails at killing them in the three games he drags them to. Then apparently he gives up, because the movie ends there.

  Movie Three: [Note: I skipped this movie, it's rather boring. I'll try to recall what it's about. All I remember is almost falling asleep through the whole thing.] A Nazi general lives forever and a Jewish man from Nazi Germany recognizes him in the modern day. He tries to convince people that, the similar looking man is him. This one makes extensive use of claymation. Which is EPIC!

 So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so epic.

Pros:

Special Effects: This is the 80s. Special effects weren't the best. Which is obvious from the pictures you can find a little below and above this. The first movie has very little in the way of special effects. However, the second one makes extensive use of them. Like in these next two images:

 This bug will kill you with one sting. You'll get Clay Poisoning.

  

 Homestyle, Grilled, or Crispy?

I already featured one image from the third film. However, I have one more really good one:

Why don't you tell me I'm beautiful anymore?

Low-Budget: Ok, so, this company owns these three movies. So the only thing they would need to spend money on for this movie would be: The Train Shots, The Awesome Band, God, Satan, Extras, Train Sets. And that's it. So the question is how much would all that cost. My guess, approximately 5 to 10k. Now to add the cocaine and speed into the budget, Probably total 15 to 20k. So after all the money had been spent on hookers and blow, they had to borrow poor Timmy's train set.

Timmy, can daddy borrow your train for his movie?

Cons:

None: This movie is so bad it's good. The acting is so cheesy it's hilarious. The special effects are horrible, but it's horrible in a good way, if that makes sense.

Final Score:

10/10

Like I said, I love cheese. The cheesier the better. This movie is the cheesiest of the cheesiest movies ever. I absolutely adore this movie. I kind of wish they had cut the third story. For now though, I'm content to skip it. I have actually seen this movie 4 times now and I WILL watch it again. Oh and as a quick side note: The song the sweet eighties band sings throughout the movie, is my new ringtone.

  My face throughout this whole movie

Purchase "Night Train to Terror":

Amazon

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  Drive-In Classics 50 Movie Pack

Now the Sad Part:

I can't find a full movie version of this movie they have it split in parts, just Google it. Instead, I'll post a trailer here so you can see if it looks interesting to you. Which it will. Oh, and you can hear the awesome song.

         

Bloody Pit of Horror

 Ok, I'm officially completely excited, I've been wanting to watch this movie for awhile now just never got around to it. This film is on the Pure Terror 50 Movie Pack. However, I also own a budget bin 3 dollar copy as well. This film features Mickey Hargitay, a bodybuilder who did his turn as Hercules on the peplum film circuit (Also, as a side note, he was married to Jayne Mansfield. Their daughter is like the best Law and Order detective ever). So I'm pretty excited to see this one, I've seen the trailer several times on different things. I'll get back to you guys later tonight with a review.

 IMDb: Bloody Pit of Horror 

 Review: Sorry it's so late in the day guys, finally got around to watching The Bloody Pit of Horror. I found that I really enjoyed this movie. However, I had to look back on the movie for about 45 minutes, to really come up with the reasons why. Theirs something about cheese like this that I absolutely love. It's one of the best if not the best periods in Horror films.

 This film is about a cheery fellow named "The Crimson Executioner" who executed people for not being perfect. When a group of models (instant cheese), a writer, his publisher, and a few others arrive at a castle for Photo shoots all hell breaks loose. They meet the owner of the castle, who quickly becomes possessed by the spirit of the Executioner.  There's lots of death and torture. However, there's very little blood or gore.

Pros:

 Set Design: If a movie wants to win me over fast, good and believable set design is the way to do it. I'm a sucker for a realistic looking movie. I'd rather see a movie with three or four realistic sets, rather than a film with a 150 different sets that all look lackluster. I found the castle had a tinge of 60s to it. However the basement and dungeon all looked really good.

 Swanky Soundtrack: Just from the music I can tell this movie was made in the 60s. You get some bass, a little guitar and some drums. That's the soundtrack. Which I love, keeps it simple while making it more fun. Rather than playing creepy organ and piano tracks, they went with something more light-hearted and interesting.

 Spider: There's not much to say. Just.... yeah. Like I said, I love cheese, and this spider is just total cheese.

The real question: "Am I a Spider, or a Crab?"

Cons:

 Explanation: This is a quick way to make me mad. At the end of a movie, they feel the need to have the main character narrate the whole story in a quick recap. If you want to see what I mean, look in the video below. Just jump straight to about 1:20:45. Or watch the whole movie ;).

 FINAL SCORE:

8/10

 Like I said earlier, I had a hard time with this one. Do I let my personal opinion sway my vote, or do I give the movie what everybody else thinks it deserves. I, in the end, decided, as the reviewer, that my opinion mattered more than what somebody else thinks about the movie. I personally think it's an amazing horror flick I will watch again.

Purchase "Bloody Pit of Horror":

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The Sadist

That's the movie for today. This movie is contained on the Pure Terror 50 Movie Collection. Didn't really read anything about this film, prior to this post. The only thing I know is that Arch Hall Jr. is in it. So it already has that going for it. Review will be up on this post in a few hours.

Edit: Here's a link to the IMDb Page http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057465/.

REVIEW:

Alright, just finished watching the Sadist and let me start by saying I was impressed. It wasn't a bad movie by any stretch of the imagination, the cinematography was actually quite well done, as was the acting.

Summary: A trio of school teachers are on their way to Los Angeles when their car breaks down. Stuck at a scrapyard type place, they are accosted by two teens. The teens go on to rob and torture the teachers.


Pros:
-Arch Hall Jr. : I don't think I could ever not like an Arch Hall Jr. movie. The only other movie I've seen with him in it is EEGAH! and to be quite honest, I find this movie plays to his strengths better than EEGAH! did. He makes a much better villain than hero.

-Cinematography: Their were quite a few shots in this movie that stand out in my mind, for the time, the cinematography is quite well done.

- Acting: As I said earlier the acting is also quite well done, the girl who plays Arch's Girlfriend does a great job, rarely speaking, she definitely keeps you wondering whats up with her. The three school teachers were really well played as well.


Cons:
-Arch Hall Jr. : I don't mean to confuse you by putting him on both sides, however he needs to be. While I love Arch, I hate his face. How he ever got any acting jobs with that catcher's mitt of a face is beyond me.

- Foreshadowing: Usually Foreshadowing is nice to see in movies, however in this movie I found it quite blatant. The second the female teacher said she didn't like snakes, I knew snakes would play an important part in the story. Baseball was also a continuous recurring annoyance. Just because they we're heading on their way to a baseball game, doesn't mean you need to shove the irony of "It's a beautiful day here at Dodger Stadium" down my throat.


Final Score:
8/10

The pros severely outweigh the cons in this film. Arch Hall, you are my hero. You and your baseball glove face are welcome on my TV anytime.


Purchase "The Sadist":

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Pure Terror 50 Movie Pack