The Guy From Harlem

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. We have been graced with our first Blaxplotation film. This film is on the Drive-In Classics 50 Movie Pack. Blaxploitation is a genre I never really cared much for. Generally it involves some hero trying to stop drugs, prostitution, or some other crime all being perpetrated by some criminal kingpin. Superfly is another movie that falls in this genre, that I absolutely love, in fact it's one of my favorite movies. It's an example of what this genre can be. However, it's rarely ever as good as Superfly, it usually features cheesy lines, poor fight scenes, and racism. I, however, am going to watch this film pretending I know nothing of this genre, and what it can be. So bring it on.

REVIEW:

So this was an interesting "movie". The reason I say "movie" like that, is because this doesn't feel like a movie. It feels like they took two episodes of a failed television show, strapped them together and called it a movie. The first half of the movie deals with Al Connor, our hero, protecting and banging a foreign queen (or princess, I'm not really sure. They said she was married to the leader of the country. Yet Al keeps calling her princess.) The second is him rescuing the daughter of a gang leader, who has been kidnapped by the rival gang leader. The main villain in this is Big Daddy, a white guy surprisingly. This movie is, unsurprisingly, very racially charged and stereotypical.

PROS:

Cheesy Movie-Making: Oh my god is there a lot of it. It's like the writer and cinematographer sat through a three day Blaxploitation convention then said, "Yeah, we could do that."However, that's all they knew about making movies or about that genre at all. All females in this movie are practically flinging themselves at Al. I understand that the hero is supposed to be some sexy guy who all women want. However, he's rather unattractive. After re-reading this it sounds like I was complaining, I wasn't. I love this, it makes the movie so hilarious.

Quite possibly the cheesiest action movie camera angle ever.

Soundtrack: Swanky 70's bass makes this soundtrack one of the best I've heard in a long time. The theme song for the movie is so sweet. It just make me laugh hearing it. However, for how cheap this movie looks and how cheesy the acting is, the soundtrack is extremely well done and high quality.

Set Design: This is another area where the film does things well. Though it could be argued, is there even a set design or is this just what things looked like in the 70s. And that tells you how good the set design was. This is a 70's period piece, and this film definitely feels like it. The set's are beautiful and colorful the way, I suspect, things were in the 70s.

 I want that wallpaper and the sheets.

 This is an office, with shag carpet. Oh, nice two-tones by the way.

  This a hotel room. Seriously? Look at that tile.

CONS:

"Movie": I've realized I find myself nit-picking a lot. I take quick notes while watching movies, so I can remember things to write here. Sometimes, I look at them and feel stupid for writing something so nit-picky. This is one of those times, however, I could find no other cons, so here it is. This isn't a movie, this is two episodes of a TV show strapped together. I mentioned this earlier, it's not that big of a deal, there are lots of movies that come from TV episodes being made longer and called a movie. However, the weird thing is, the first story takes place one day and ends the next morning. The second story begins that same morning. It REALLY feels like this was made to be a TV show but maybe that's just me.

 Spoiler Alert: This is how the first story ends.

 Spoiler Alert: This is how the second story ends.

FINAL SCORE:

8/10

I said prior I'm not the biggest fan of blaxploitation and this movie hasn't changed that. However, I will not say I didn't like this movie, that would be a lie. It's a great popcorn movie, for a weeknight before bed. It's a little long but, overall, a good movie. 

Purchase "The Guy From Harlem":

Amazon

Amazon Instant Watch

Drive-In Classics 50 Movie Pack

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Double Feature Day: Pt.1 Savage Journey

Alright, going to do this Savage Journey movie first today, it's on the Drive-In Classics 50 Movie Pack. It's about the origins of the Mormon Church and their journey across the west, until they land in Utah. Never seen this one, could be alright. Why it's in the Drive-in Classics is beyond me, makes me think there will be a lot of violence. It's also from 1983, so that should make it a bit more entertaining.

IMDb: Savage Journey

After I finish this movie and review, I will be doing the next movie, which is actually a request. V for Vendetta. So you can expect to see both of those today.

 

Review:

This movie was pretty good, I'm not gonna lie. I knew little about the beginning of the Mormon religion, this movie was actually quite educational in that respect. Of course, that's assuming this movie is true and, even if it is, not exaggerating anything too bad. I think the acting and dialogue was well done, however, this movie is heavily biased towards Mormonism.

Pros:

Scenery: All of the scenery is really good looking. So good, in fact, I can't tell if it was shot in nature, or in a studio. Since this movie involves a lot of traveling, the scenery is something they needed to do well. In my opinion the scenery is pretty good and definitely helps the movie feel more realistic.

Desert, desert, desert, and Oh look, more desert

Acting: Religion is a hard subject to translate to film. If you poorly represent a major figure from that religion, you can get some serious heat. Savage Journey chose the right actors for the right roles. It seems like it was thought through very thoroughly. The performances from all the leads are very entertaining and believable.

Cons:

The "Savage" Journey: I don't mean to demean the hardships these people endured. I'm sure it was horrible for them. However, I can think of at least 5 journey's way more savage than theirs. For example, the locusts (see below). They lost maybe 20 or 30 people over the years due to savageness.

The Great Locust Massacre: Apparently this film has something against locusts. So here's the timeline, as I see it. The Mormons move into the Great Salt Lake Basin. Encroaching on the poor locust's homeland. The Mormons start planting crops. Meanwhile, the locusts are starving, after having their land taken by the white man. They begin to feed on the Mormon crops, if only to live another day. Then the Mormons go apeshit, and beat them with brooms, stick, 2x4s, etc. Hundreds of poor innocent locusts die, only because they were trying to live another day. And as if that was the end of their suffering. That's when their mortal enemy the birds come along, and the white man cheers as the birds eat all the innocent locusts. Horrific tragedy, is that in your American History book, I think not.

The worst day in locust history

VERY Biased: I'll be first to say that all religions are evil. More people have dies in the name of God and Religion than I can even imagine. However, I have a gut instinct that this film, is blowing it a little out of proportion. They make it seem as if everybody is evil except the Mormons. Every other character in the movie, is either killing Mormons or betraying Mormons. I think there is only one non-evil non-Mormon in this entire film. To be completely honest with you, I had more sympathy for the locusts than I did for the Mormons.

FINAL SCORE:

6/10

This film was insightful and well written, like I said, I hadn't heard this story before. I found this movie to be interesting, however, I will most likely not watch it again. However, I am glad I saw this movie.

Purchase "Savage Journey":

Amazon

Oldies

Drive In Classics 50 Movie Pack

I can't offer anything in the way of the full movie. If you're interested it's parted out on YouTube, just head over there and search "Savage Journey 1983". The movie is in public domain, so, as far as I know, it's not illegal to download it from a website you find on Google. Say for example, this one. However, I am not a copyright lawyer and if you get in trouble it's not my fault. kthxbai.

Night Train to Terror

Oh. My. God. I am so excited right now. This is like my favorite movie all time. It's featured on the Drive In Classics 50 Movie Pack. It features the most 80s band of all time. I don't even have words for how excited I am right now. It's basically 3 movies that were chopped into short segments. It's similar to the Tales from the Crypt movie, or the Tales from the Darkside movie.

IMDb: Night Train to Terror

Review:

Like I said when I announced this review earlier, I've seen this movie prior to this review. I also mentioned I love this movie and I wasn't lying. This movie is the epitome of 80's Horror Cheese. This movie is a compilation of 3 shortened films. Shortening these films cuts out major plot points, making the films confusing. However, the special effects and hammy acting make up for it. The over-arching point of the movie is God and Satan arguing, on a train, over the fate of the 3 film's characters. And also the sweet band playing on board the train.

 

The 80's are totally bitchin' man!

I kid you not, the credits list the actors as

Lu Cifer as Satan

God as Himself

 

Stories: 

  Movie One: A man is a car accident where his wife dies. After waking up in a sanitarium, the doctors use him to bring back beautiful women to the sanitarium. The doctors are killing the women and selling their body parts to medical schools. Or something similar, the plot in this movie is hard to follow, due to the obvious film cuts.

  

  Movie Two: A man falls in love with a woman he sees in a porno. After tracking her down, they fall in love. Her rich lover doesn't like that though, so he forces the two of them to join his death club. Basically it's a club that meets to play various variations of Russian Roulette. He fails at killing them in the three games he drags them to. Then apparently he gives up, because the movie ends there.

  Movie Three: [Note: I skipped this movie, it's rather boring. I'll try to recall what it's about. All I remember is almost falling asleep through the whole thing.] A Nazi general lives forever and a Jewish man from Nazi Germany recognizes him in the modern day. He tries to convince people that, the similar looking man is him. This one makes extensive use of claymation. Which is EPIC!

 So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so epic.

Pros:

Special Effects: This is the 80s. Special effects weren't the best. Which is obvious from the pictures you can find a little below and above this. The first movie has very little in the way of special effects. However, the second one makes extensive use of them. Like in these next two images:

 This bug will kill you with one sting. You'll get Clay Poisoning.

  

 Homestyle, Grilled, or Crispy?

I already featured one image from the third film. However, I have one more really good one:

Why don't you tell me I'm beautiful anymore?

Low-Budget: Ok, so, this company owns these three movies. So the only thing they would need to spend money on for this movie would be: The Train Shots, The Awesome Band, God, Satan, Extras, Train Sets. And that's it. So the question is how much would all that cost. My guess, approximately 5 to 10k. Now to add the cocaine and speed into the budget, Probably total 15 to 20k. So after all the money had been spent on hookers and blow, they had to borrow poor Timmy's train set.

Timmy, can daddy borrow your train for his movie?

Cons:

None: This movie is so bad it's good. The acting is so cheesy it's hilarious. The special effects are horrible, but it's horrible in a good way, if that makes sense.

Final Score:

10/10

Like I said, I love cheese. The cheesier the better. This movie is the cheesiest of the cheesiest movies ever. I absolutely adore this movie. I kind of wish they had cut the third story. For now though, I'm content to skip it. I have actually seen this movie 4 times now and I WILL watch it again. Oh and as a quick side note: The song the sweet eighties band sings throughout the movie, is my new ringtone.

  My face throughout this whole movie

Purchase "Night Train to Terror":

Amazon

Oldies

  Drive-In Classics 50 Movie Pack

Now the Sad Part:

I can't find a full movie version of this movie they have it split in parts, just Google it. Instead, I'll post a trailer here so you can see if it looks interesting to you. Which it will. Oh, and you can hear the awesome song.